This morning I woke up later than I should have with a day of work at the office stretching out ahead of me, but I still had a hard time dragging myself out of bed. As the minutes ticked by, I laid next to the Best Guy in the World, having another one of those conversations I love. With all the moving and the stress, we haven't had one in awhile. And my apologies to Scottie Doo for blogging our secret and private conversations again, but this one was way too good to pass up...
Him: My throat hurts this morning, and I'm not sure if it's still
from all the yelling at the [Five Finger Death Punch] concert the other night,
or if I'm getting sick.
Me: I bet it's the yelling.
Him: Well... I'm no doctor...
Me: Oh! Well I played one on TV!
Him: Oh really? I was not aware of that. Please tell me
Me: Oh yes. Well it was a show called Operation. We were
a team of surgeons who demonstrated our skills and a little bit of magic, by
operating on people (mostly clowns) and taking out their organs, without
touching the sides.
Him: Sides? What sides?
Me: Welllll... Few people know this, but clowns' organs are each
located in individual compartments with sides that cannot be touched. I
myself was known for my skills at removing these specialized organs, such as the
Breadbasket, from the compartments without touching the sides.
Him: It sounds like you are very talented.
Me: Oh definitely. They used to call me "Steady Hands McGee" on
the set, specifically due to my ability to remove the extremely difficult clown
organs, like such as the Wishbone.
Him: They called you McGee, even though that's not your last
Me: Well, my last name hasn't always been my last name,
remember. And McGee is the last name they give everyone who is known for
something, like "Tits McGee", only I was never called that. I was called
'Steady Hands McGee'.
Him: That's very interesting.
Me: Yes, and did I also tell you I won an Emmy for my role?
Him: Why no, you failed to mention that.
Me: Well I did. I just haven't unpacked it yet from all these
Him: Do you think I could watch it?
Me: What's that, Operation, or the awards show when I won my
Him: Well both really, but seeing you win an Emmy would be very
Me: Yes, but unfortunately the only known recording is on Beta.
I really never knew that whole Beta/VHS thing would turn out the way it
did. Who knew?!
Him: Luckily I know someone who still has a Beta machine!
Me: Maybe we can watch it later...
Him: Well did I ever tell you about my Oscars?
Me: No, I don't believe you ever did. You have more than
Him: Oh yes, of course. I have two.
Me: Are they from different movies, or the same movie? Or was
it different movies, only with the same character. Like a series or
Him: Well, it was different movies. I don't really believe in
Me: Do you believe in doing prequels? Because that's a hard
thing for me to wrap my head around. It's like they make a movie, and then
they make another movie with the same characters and call it a prequel, which
means it was supposed to have come BEFORE the other movie. Are we supposed
to pretend we haven't already seen the other movie? If we haven't already seen the other movie, should we watch the prequel first?
Is time travel involved?
Him: I completely understand your dilemma, and no, I do not do
Me: Well please, tell me about your movie and subsequent
Oscars. I'm riveted.
Him: Well oddly enough, the movie was about time travel! I won
the Best Supporting Actor.
Me: Oh, so you were the supporting actor? Who was the main
actor, and did THEY win an Oscar?
Him: Well, it was Woody Harrelson. We were police officers,
Me: Oh. Woody Harrelson. Well, did he win an Oscar?
Him: No, he didn't.
Me: Oh! That means that for the year that you won the Best
Supporting Actor, in all the movies in the whole world that year, YOU were the
very best. AND since you won an Oscar for your portrayal and Woody
Harrelson didn't, that means YOU are a better actor than Woody Harrelson.
How did that make Woody feel?
Him: Well actually, I don't think that's the way it works. Just
because I won for Best Supporting Actor, that doesn't mean that Woody...
Me: Sucks? Oh yes, you were WAY better than Woody.
Him: Now wait just a second here, I happen to think that
Me: I bet you BLEW HIM AWAY! You were voted the BEST, and
Him: Woody happens to be a very good friend of mine. We're very
Me: But Woody has a drug problem.
Him: Well we're not THAT close. And I do not do drugs myself,
but don't feel I can...
Me: But if you're friends with a druggie, than you can seem to
condone their behavior.
Him: I wouldn't go that far. Woody's just a nice guy.
Me: I'd be nice too if I was on drugs all the time. It's easy
Him: You're crazy.
And THAT was my morning. And no, I've never played a
doctor on TV, and Scott doesn't know Woody Harrelson. Scott probably DOES really think I'm crazy though.