Allow myself to introduce... myself

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Saturday, August 30, 2008

You Can't Go Back

Me and him, 1993
Lessons for the day:

Your first boyfriend can try to come back into your life and say sorry for the way he treated you, and the only thing you can say is "thank you for that, but it doesn't change anything".

Your first boyfriend can say that it was never that you didn't love him enough, only that he was too foolish to enjoy you, and you can say "I found someone who appreciated me from the beginning," and, "I am so much happier now than I've ever been in my life".

Your first boyfriend can come back and try to tell you all the things that you would have wanted him to say 14 years ago, and none of it can matter. Because sometimes you don't just look like a grown up, you are a grown up.

And at the end of it all when you're saying goodbye and he says "Take care, I love you," you don't have to say I love you back, because you know you don't. It feels good to let go.

I'm grateful for all the right things: the man I really do love with all my heart is spending time with his daughter, and even though I miss him like crazy, I know he's happy. Next week is our vacation, and for the first time in my life, I will have a vacation that is all about relaxing with the person I love. The kids are starting school this week, and they couldn't be happier. I have the best life I could have imagined right now, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

9 comments:

Cindy said...

I'd forgotten what Not Right for You Guy looked like. I'm sorry he treated you badly, you always have deserved so much more. At least he supplied the contrast so that you can enjoy all that Best Guy Ever has to offer, you deserve it!

jennijo said...

Oh my gosh....I agree with your mom...he treated you badly and you have always deserved the Best! Hugs to you!

Anonymous said...

I'm kind of into cave men...so that cromagnon guy is available now huh? I hope he doesn't speak any human dialect.

Messy Margaret

Anonymous said...

I can't wait to see pictures of the new guy. He sounds hot, sexy, and awesome.

Sexy Susan

Hear Me Roar! said...

Oh yes, Sexy Susan. He's hot, sexy, awesome... and he likes to go by "Sexy Susan" sometimes.

Anonymous said...

That's not who I think it is, is it? The guy that single handly ruined our friendship so long ago? I never did like him. But, you knew that. ;P

- Cheri

Cindy said...

By any stretch of the imagination was that 'Sexy Susan' that was in my living room last Wednesday evening?

Hear Me Roar! said...

Well yes Cindykins, it was definitely Sexy Susan. He's also Messy Margaret, Trudy, and S-Doggity Dizzle. He was trying to single-handedly build me a fan base, and who can really fault him for that?

Cindy said...

Ah, you sooo deserve a fan club....just not for jumping off of cliffs, that will get you into the stupido club what with your not quite the way it was ankle, then I would be again in charge of wiping the drool off your chin.