Allow myself to introduce... myself


Thursday, August 14, 2008


It's 92 sweltering degrees here in what used to be known as Pleasantville, and even though we all KNOW that I'm really not built for this sort of heat, absolutely NOTHING can temper my super mood today. First of all, tomorrow is my birthday. I happen to have a whole weekend full of plans that I'm sure will help make this my favorite birthday ever; starting with a half day at work, a haircut (its been 6 months), and a picnic dinner date with the best guy I've ever known. Saturday is a barbecue at the house of a friend I roomed with upon first moving to Alaska, but have only seen once in the past 10 years. The best guy ever will be attending the barbecue with me, so of course it will only be the best time ever. Sunday will be celebrating the birthday with family, surely eating more than we should and laughing until we pee our pants. Isn't that what family is for?

(What's that... did she say something about a guy?!)

She did. Not just any guy, but the
Best Guy Ever. And so it is written. I've answered a couple of questions for myself that until this point in my life I had no clue on. Life is great. I don't know how long the Best Guy Ever will be in my life, but I do know this: if every single relationship pain I've ever gone through brought me to the moment of meeting him, then it was ALL worth it.

Dating questions I've answered for myself this month:
  • So how does it work? Do I meet someone and not hate them, and then eventually grow to like them and then love them? -

No, that's stupid. You will read something written by a person that will make you want to meet him come hell or high water. When he is slow to ask you out, you will jump the gun and tell him it's time to ask you out. The day of the first date you will spend six hours making something to give him when you meet him, because you know he will understand. When you see him your heart will do flips. And you will lose sleep that night because the thought will not leave your head that you have finally met your other half.

  • Will I agonize over whether I'll ever hear from him again?
Of course you will, because you're a dork like that. But he's great, and you WILL hear from him again because he's exactly as great as you think he is. And when the day comes that you tell him you're not sure how he feels about you, he will want to throw up his hands in disbelief as he reminds you that he has called in sick to spend time with you, showed up to see you when it is not convenient (since he lives a few towns away), emailed you, myspaced you, spent precious cell phone minutes on you, went to your employee picnic when he only knew you... and all of this within the first two weeks.

  • Will I ever meet someone I can be myself around?
Oh yes, and you will remember how much fun you are when you can just be yourself. He will laugh at all your jokes, he won't think you're retarded when you write him a rap, and you will spend the time you aren't with him smiling every time you think about him.

  • Will I be scared?
Terrified. Because you've always just waited for someone to like you first, and then convinced yourself to like them back. For once you will be with someone who is an amazing and complete and WHOLE person all on his own. He doesn't NEED you, he honestly likes to be with you. He isn't broken, and he doesn't need to be fixed. It feels great to know that you're not taking on a new project, this time you just get to be. And sometimes just being can feel kind of scary.

Right now I'm re-reading one of my favorite books of all time,
Still Life with Woodpecker by Tom Robbins.

“Who knows how to make love stay?

Tell love you are going to the Junior's Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if love stays, it can have half. It will stay.

Tell love you want a memento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a mustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay.

Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning.”

I don't think we should make love stay. I think love should want to stay because there's nowhere else love would rather be.

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”

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