Star Stuff and Babel Fish

Apparently it takes all kinds to make the world go ‘round, and the particularly TRYING kinds like to send me messages. I’ve been having a bit of trouble lately with translating the actual meaning of what some of these people were trying to say, so leave it to wonderful Sara once again to show me the light. The AltaVista Babel fish is another useful tool when one is out alone navigating the dating world, especially if one is getting messages from crazy people. To illustrate the usefulness of one such tool, let me please begin by showing you an ACTUAL message I received (edited for my poor mother’s sake)…

First, the SUBJECT line:

you so the star stuff an what i want to get to know a
lot an what i dream of

Naturally, I was intrigued. So I proceeded to the body of the message…

From: Aundrez
Date: Feb 4, 2008 10:20 AM


ok so what are you doing an is you up to an do you have going on ? I so want to get to know you . Like what is up good morn an tell me some thing good love .

I couldn’t resist, so I responded…

From: Tasha
Date: 05/02/2008


Something good eh? I can't say anything really comes to mind at the moment. Can you think of anything?

Would you believe it? He thought of something! AND at four o’ clock in the MORNING!

Date:Feb 6, 2008 4:09 AM

Subject:

RE: you so the star stuff an what i want to get to know a
lot an what i dream of

I can an i do an i want to think of an do lots of things good wit an for an to you . Muah to your most wanted face an curls an just most deliteful style. I so want you do not tease me please me . your to much the art work to be half ass or not did all good. I so want you in me life. I am grown an i know what is up ok . How was your sleep? Like for sure i am trying to be your give you five an wax on an wax off man . I so want to hold your every thing an inbrace your love an beauty an feel the glory of your be me douty. Muah

Now that last message was a lot for me to handle, and WAY too much for me to understand. What exactly is a wax on wax off man? So we took a guess on what language might be correct (unfortunately Pirate isn’t available) and plugged it in to the Babel Fish. THEN we translated it BACK to English to see if it would clarify anything. Here’s what we came up with:

French - I put out of box I make I want to think of make a good number of good spirit of things for to you. Muah with your more desired face curves a model deliteful just. I want you thus does not tease me to satisfy myself your much the work of art to being half of ass or not to make good. I thus want you in me the life. I am developed I know what is to the top of ok. Go did how your sleep? Are you foutu approximately or you were make you you project it or is there a call of spoils until you wait with interest one to want? As for sure I try to be your elasticity you five a wax on a wax in addition to man. I want to thus hold your each thing a inbrace your love a beauty one to feel that the glory of your is me douty. Muah

Oh yes… “desired face curves a model”… THAT sounds promising…

Dutch - I can I do I want think of much things well verstand for to you do. Muah your face wanted most to curl correct most deliteful style. I do not want this way you me please to tease me your to the much art work to be or already well half do rest. I want you this way in me living. I am grown I weet what is omhoog o.k.. How was your sleep? If without doubt try I your to be give you five was on was of people. I want love this way your each thing inbrace your love a beauty a feeling the glorie your douty me am. Muah

Yes… What IS omhoog?

Italian - Inscatolo I make I wish to think next to I make the lotteries of good spirit of things for you. Muah to yours makes wished curlings one deliteful more just style. Therefore I wish them I do not take in turn for soddisfarlo. yours to the a lot the work to it of art for being average ass or in order not to make all the good ones. Therefore me I wish life to them. Me development I know that what is on the approval. How it was your sleep? As for sure I am trying to being your give you five one wax on one wax outside of the man. Therefore I wish to hold your every thing inbrace a your love a beauty a tact that the glory of yours is me douty. Muah

Ahhhh… “Me development I know that what is on the approval”. Would this sound better if it was whispered into my ear?

Russian - I preserve I make I want to think I make a series of the wit of the things of good for to you muah to your, is which they want to the side of curl valid deliteful type. 4 so I want you I do not tease me in order to please to me your to much work of iskysstva, it is which necessary to be with half ass or not to make at all good. 4 so I want you in me life. I grow I I know upward on o'keyu. How there was your sleep? As for confident I attempt to be your pliability you 5 wax on wax from the man. 4 so I want to hold your each thing inbrace your love beauty chyvstvo, is which the glory of your by me douty. Muah

Oh I get it now – “As for confident I attempt to be your pliability”. He’s CONFIDENT he wants me to toy with him like Play-DOH! I think four trips through Alta Vista has helped me see the light… this is DEFINITELY the guy for me!